The Inappropriate Wife

There were days when she really, really tried his patience. Like right now. She stood there, goofy expression on her face, arms held up like a T-Rex, swaying with the motion of the plane, stepping forward as if to start a tickle fight. Really. 

Shouldn't she know better? I'm working right now! I don't go prancing about like a moron when she's working. He turned his attention back to the log sheet, ignoring her. 

She actually roared. Not loudly, of course, but like a pretend roar. God, she's annoying. 

"Stop it." He held up a finger for emphasis. 

Suddenly, she charged, pretending to bite the emphasising finger. Oh, hell! Really. This is what happens when you marry a fucking kid. 

"Stop. It." 

He didn't know why he was laughing. This isn't funny. A passenger could walk in at any minute and see us like this! The whole world seems to think all crew do is screw. Really, this is the last time I bring her on a flight. 

She grabbed for his finger. Unsuccessfully. "Baby. Please stop." There was such a firm note of admonishment in his voice that she did. 

"Fine." She pouted. Then leaned forward and placed her forehead on his. Damn it. Shouldn't have sat down. She has the high ground advantage. 

"Babe, please. A passenger could walk in any minute."

And of course, right on cue, one did. 

"Whoops! Sorry…" she said, backing away. He wanted to sink through the floor of the aircraft, but instead, he smiled encouragingly at the passenger. "What can I do for you?" 

"A coffee... please?" She was looking at his stupid wife. He could see the questions in her narrowed eyes. His face flamed. "Sugar?" 

"Yes, please. Two." He busied himself, opening and shutting drawers. I'm NEVER bringing her on another flight with me. EVER. 

"Milk?" The passenger shook her head. She was avoiding looking at either of them now. 

I could kill her right now. He sneaked a sidelong look at the wife, expecting to see a sheepish, apologetic woman, but NO. She was looking at him, impishly. Shameless. The woman is shameless. . 

"Here you go Ma'am," He handed the coffee back to the passenger. She reached for it, but he found he couldn't let go. 

"That's my wife, actually." It sounded lame coming out of his mouth. He knew it. The passenger had to know it. 

"Oh?" The passenger was a thin, tired looking thing in an over large sweatshirt. But she brightened up at that. In fact, she could barely keep her face straight. 

"Yeah. She's coming along for New Year's Eve. We wanted to spend it together. We've never had new year's eve together" Stop babbling. "Yeah. We don't get much time together, with this job. It can be hard for couples" Oh my God. Stop. Talking.

He looked at the wife, who was, of course, being no help at all. Typical. The one time she chooses to shut up. 

"Well.., bye!" Said the passenger, skooching off, grinning. He rounded on the wife. His blood was up. He didn't want to say anything because he knew right now, he knew he would regret w-h-a-t-e-v-e-r he said. So he poured all his anger into what he hoped was an effective death stare. 

She looked SO stupid. She had that irritating face on, the one that precedes a stupid giggle fit. If she laughs right now… I swear to God… 

She laughed. Of course she did. It started out as a burst of air escaping her nose and mouth. She clapped a hand over her mouth, but then she couldn't stop shaking. She looked away, and that seemed to help for a second. But then each time she looked at him, it set her off again. Stupid. Stupid STUPID woman. What did I ever see in her? 

She continued to choke back her snorts and guffaws… and then gave up entirely. It was like watching a hyena. Her face was incapable of shutting her lips, her lungs incapable of drawing breath. She looked so stupid. 

"Oh my god. Your face!" She gasped out. Tears. Tears were streaming down her face now. She doubled over. 

"Your cute little, silly little face!" It took her a good long while to say that between gasps and bursts of laughter. 

She was pointing at him now, still doubled over and unable to breathe. 

"Oh. My. God. Your stupid little face!" And she let out another bark of laughter. 

A little guffaw escaped his lips. Why am I laughing? This isn't funny. 

"Your face is the stupid one." His voice wiggled, trying to hold back the laughter threatening to erupt out of him. His insides were aglow. 

She made another mad bark of laughter at that. She's lost the capacity for human speech. 

"You stupid, stupid woman." He took her in his arms. Why do I love this creature? He turned that stupid face up to kiss it. Full on the mouth. I just can't help it. She leaned into the kiss, the laughs morphing into something warmer. 

"Happy New Year, you silly cow." he said. She smiled up at him, mischief still glinting in her eyes. She nuzzled into him, squeezing him hard. 

"I love you too, baby". He felt those words more than he heard them. 

He just had to kiss her again. Damn the fucking passengers.